Nyctophilia

I’ve always loved the dark.

It feels warm and welcoming. Like a mask, hiding all the stress and emotion that the daylight shows so explicitly and replacing them with a sensuous feeling. The dark reveals your true nature and abolishes the facade you play during the daytime.

Yes. The dark is good. You can be yourself in the dark and not feel judged or threatened all the while by being yourself.

That’s why I love the night so much. You can just relax in the blackness, surrounded by nothing but shadow. Allowing the dark to overcome your senses and numb them down until you feel nothing at all but complete weightlessness.

Then, when sleep finally takes control, you are thrusted into even deeper darkness. Infinite darkness. Just black empty space. An endless void your mind creates to help you drift off into unconsciousness.

But why? Why is it always black? Have you ever thought about that? Whenever we close our eyes, we are met with black. But why?

You don’t notice it, do you? You don’t think about it. It’s just there. Like breathing, blinking. After a while your subconscious just accepts that when we close our eyes, we see darkness. Empty darkness.

Why is it then that people are scared of the dark?

An average human being will sleep for 229,961 hours of their lifetime. For one whole third of their life, they will live in darkness. Complete and utter darkness.

If we really were scared of the dark, why do we have the ability to close our eyes and sleep for so long. So long in the black oblivion.

You see, I think no one is truly afraid of the dark. That’s just an illusion. An illsuion we produce to trick ourselves into thinking that there is no such thing as monsters.

We’ve all heard that story haven’t we?

About the night terrors that roam around in the night – claws raised, teeth bared – ready to attack the young, naive child as they sleep in their beds, unaware of their demonic presence because they can’t see them. Don’t lie to yourself, you were like that once. Sitting awake, clutching at the sheets as your stare at your ceiling or glancing around your room. Perhaps you had a nightlight. A ‘Holy Crucifix’ of sorts that were used to ward off the monsters. To protect you.

Well I think, as you grow up, you begin to tell yourself that in all your childlike innocence, you were never scared of the evil that lurked in the shadows, you were simply afraid of the dark. That’s what you believe. As you grow up, you tend to grow out of this fear and relish in the dark like I do. But this fear can remain with you in adulthood. In fact it’s one of the most common phobias – nyctophobia. Even as a fully matured adult, you still fear the emptiness.

Or do you?

You see, the statistics prove that we spend a long time sleeping. A long time in the dark. We never seem to mind, even if we are terribly scared of that darkness. But why?

I think your subconscious is telling you that they are still there. A small part of you still holds strong on your childhood memories of being alone in the dark with the night terrors. But this time, you have no light to guard you. Obviously adults don’t tend to own those little night lights anymore do they? They say they don’t need them anymore. They call it a silly childhood fear of the dark. They say there is no such thing as night terrors.

But what do they know? If they lived long enough to mature into adulthood, they’ve probably never seen one.

My opinion is that we all have nyctophilia. A general love for the dark that helps us sleep. Even those that claim they have a fear for the night. They love the dark. I love the dark.

You really were never scared of the dark. It really was an illusion our minds created to reassure ourselves we are safe at night.

To reassure us that there are no such things as night terrors.

I love the dark. I always have. It feels…. Homely. Warm and comforting. Like I’ve always been in the dark. It’s fun being in the dark. Feeling free. Feeling… Safe.

I know you like the dark too. When you come home from work, tired and tense, and you flop onto your bed, stretching your aching muscles, getting ready to sleep. Yes. You love the dark. I know.

You still fear it though. An occasional scan around your room before you allow your body to shift into sleep mode. It’s amusing really.

You know damn straight what you fear and it ain’t the dark.

It’s me.

I like watching you sleep. The way you toss and turn, the way you sigh contently when you get comfortable… The way you jump up in surprise when you hear a noise.

You haven’t changed much from when you were a child. Not really. You still fear me.

But this time, I’m not going to let you get away. You are unprotected now. No nightlight. No nothing. Completely and utterly alone in the dark.

With me.

I’ve always loved the dark.

So have you.