I looked in the empty room for a sign that I wasn’t alone. I didn’t want to feel alone. Companionship has been lacking in my life for so long and I don’t even know what it means to love someone anymore. I am a metal barred door trying to close but inevitably there is the door-stopper, never allowing me to get past.
I sat down. In a room with no doors and no chairs, the floor was my canvas. My finger acted as the pen, as I drew and drew, illustrating the prisons of my mind. Letting go wasn’t an answer, as my creations grew more vivid. Time passed and I had created an entire world of missed deadlines, broken hearts, and empty souls. My life’s work, something I could be proud of.
I heard a bell ring and in came my lunch, through a small panel in the white wall. No words, no friends, just peace.
How I feel with no friends lol
The noodles weren’t cooked long enough
literally me locking myself in my room playing CS:GO
this pasta had good potential but it was very disappointing and it needed more for it to be a decent story.
It was a good concept to start with, but there wasn’t enough time to get into it. It could definitely be creepier if some more details were added or if it was just a tad longer. [spoiler]Maybe adding what they were using to draw could help (were they drawing with blood, old food they hadn’t eaten, or something else entirely?).[/spoiler] It was still pretty good though.
wait what just happend
It’s a bit disappointing and can be hard to write great content in a space so short. I would recommend if there isn’t enough in the physical realm of the setting to write about then perhaps you could take us inside the mind of the person. Who are they, what kind of person are they, and what kibd of mental processing went into the image that it is said they drew on the canvas. By all means the mystery of where they are is nice and leaves it only to assumption but it would be so much more fun had there been more for us to go on and draw our own theories and conclusions. 2/5 Stars from me but don’t get discouraged. Take the criticism with a grain of salt and use that as drive to improve and fully develop the story more before posting so that it may blossom into something astounding rather than be presented a tad…. withered and dry.
Don’t wanna be rude but this was, well, kind of…dull.
The concept is great, but as many others have said it could be so much better if it was developed.
Asylum……. Heard it before, but does anyone read pandora hearts here? Because this sounds like Echo’s situation.
I wad expecting that the person would see someone or something else but now I’m disappointed
Its good but needs more detail. Like, how did he get there?.. 8/10.
A little low on the detail, but I can see how this would be creepy.
It was good for a short story, I loved it but it could be more longer and detailed
It’s cool, a bit short but I like how [It represents life in prison]. 3/5
This sounds like it was written by the goth kids from South Park.
I like how its short and is preety cool with the metaphors I think it would be a cool poem.
i Liked it! it just needs to be longer and more… detailed…? yeah
This could definitely be developed, but was brilliantly written! Liked it a lot
Mmmmmm, too empty for me. It’s a good skeleton, but there is almost nothing to it. 3/10 breads.