Alone…
You never have thought of the concept alone before, but as you are in your bed, unable to sleep your mind starts to wander. You think about what you did or what you are going to do tomorrow. Then, you start to think of darker subjects, subjects you wish you had never thought of. You wonder if you are the only one if the house awake at this hour. You wonder if you are the only one awake…in your room. Right there you hear small and subtle creaks in your kitchen.
Right away you pass it off as just the wind. But then you hear it again, this time you know it can’t be, I mean just a second ago there was no wind but a breeze. Maybe you’re imagining it, yeah it has to be that; I mean no one else is awake and you’re certain you locked the door. Minutes seem like hours and you hear the creak again! But this time it seems closer, how could it? Your imagination and mind are playing tricks I mean you live in a good neighborhood, there’s never any crime here. Your thoughts are cut off mid sentence as you hear the noise which seems to be just out your door!
Without hesitation you throw your heavy comforter over your head to protect you. You’re breaking out in a cold sweat, thinking over and over again “There’s nothing there.” Then, you hear the small somewhat nonexistent creak of your door. The sound rips through your mind for what seems like hours. You want to check, but, if you do you could meet face to face with someone or something. So you just shut your eyes as tight as you can, trying as hard as you can to just go to sleep, just leave this nightmare.
Hours go by without a single noise, your heart beat is slowing and down. You start to think how stupid you were to think something was there. As you lift your covers off, you freeze and just hear one last thing.
“You shouldn’t be up.”
Oh man, cuz sleeping isn’t hard enough! This was good and creepy. Well written.
The most comforting thing to read at 230 am laying awake in your bed lol
Man, that was really good!! can i pls make it into a short film? PLEASE!!!!
I feel like you could fix some grammar mistakes such as cutting off sentences so they don’t exactly make sense and it’s not your fault but the ending was lacking something special to really finish it off. But overall I enjoyed! 3/5
pussy boy, you shouldn’t even be in my house. don’t worry about me, mind ya buisness. I ENJOYED THIS THOUGH.
Solid build up but the ending was disappointing
REALLY good,vshort film material
Yep. Not going to be able to sleep again.
(walks away watching over my shoulder)
You never know who it could be, You should never know who it could be[spoiler][/spoiler] Because you shouldn’t be up.
The vivid descriptions of “my” thoughts when I’m awake in bed just matches me perfectly. I tend to lie awake in my bed for hours before finally drifting off to sleep and these are the exact thoughts I have every night.
Very enjoyable
good job! 🙂
4/5 😀
Well… That got me off my computer at 3 am. I really liked this, and the last part scared the hell outta me. Especially since I live in an old house where the floors always creak in every room.
Well… That got me off my computer at 3 am. I really liked this, and the last part scared the fuck outta me. Especially since I live in an old house where the floors always creak in every room.
Great pasta , i like the end
I like the beginning and how relatable it was, but the end was a little generic
Beautifully written~
This is amazing. Keep up the good work!
Great pasta [spoiler] “you shouldn’t be up sent shivers down my spine and i always hear creaking at night[/spoiler]
I kind of, well somehow, yes, related in a lot of ways of your pasta. I love it, so much!!
Great pasta, iv’e had that same situation (except “you shoundnt be up” part) very well done!