The whistle is considered one of the happiest sounds on earth by many. I’m not one of those people. I hate the sound of whistling. Another thing I hate is the tune of “Oh, Susanna.” I can’t bare to hear the two combined. Not after that night.
It started on the night before my final, I was only in highschool, and I was trying to pull an all-nighter studying for it. While studying, I began to whistle absent-mindedly. It started with just random notes, nothing too advanced, then slowly I began whistling melodies that were familiar to me, “Pop Goes the Weasel,” “Ring Around the Rosies,” and then finally “Oh, Susanna.”
While whistling I heard the same tune being whistled behind me. I turned around quickly to the the sight of nothing. I continued studying, thinking it was just my imagination, and again, I began whistling, picking up where I left off. My lips soon got tired, so I started to hum. To my absolute horror, the whistling started up again. I turned around again, afraid for my own sanity, but this time I saw a shadow on my wall. I thought nothing of it at the time and turned back to my studies.
A scream I couldn’t control escaped my throat.
In front of me was a shadow, my shadow. I turned around, hoping to see nothing, but to my dismay the shadow seemed darker. The whistling picked back up, and the shadow seemed to become solid.
I backed up as the faceless thing began to gain features. A logo slowly molded itself into the thing’s torso, eyes, ears, hair a nose and mouth molded themselves into the face. It looked like an exact replica of me. It took a step toward me and I blacked out. I later woke up and the shadow was nowhere to be seen.
Ever since then, I have hated the sound of whistling and “Oh, Susanna,” but even worse, I’ve had periods were I black out and wake up with blood on my hands or holding someone’s organs or something horrible. I remember nothing from this but one thing, I remember singing “Oh, Susanna.”
Oh, Susanna, don’t you cry for me. . .
good story but not that creepy
I love how this played out, especially how you incorporated an everyday activity as the horror tool. Good Job, keep up the good work.
THATS FUBBERNUCKING AWESOME!!!
short pastas are always the best!!!!
It would have been better with more details but all in all, it was pretty good.
It was good but it would have been better if he would have woken up with blood on his hand from the start. I, for me, would prefer a different song such as ring around the rosie… But overall not bad
More details and needs gore
really good
Good to slip in that few seconds before you go to bed.
Eh, It was very choppy. There wasn’t really much detail~ More edge.
I agree with Dragonkin87.
Nice juxtaposition! I would have liked it to have a bit more to it, I feel like it ended before I was ready for it to end. Keep writing!
Not sure.
Decent pasta. The ending was a little more of a sledgehammer than it had to be. The whole [spoiler]holding someone’s organs[/spoiler] thing could have been left out of that sentence and i think it would have been a little more powerful – let the reader’s imagination fill in the ‘something horrible’.
Bystander42 I agree. The story isn’t good till the end, it makes you wonder.
Ending seems rushed. Holding someone’s organs? It could be interpreted in so many ways, the literal musical contraption, “inappropriate” acts for minors, or internal organs of organisms. I know which is which is obvious but this pasta could really use some gore.
It was okay but why that song? I could think of something creepier
I think the last bit was a little too much. I don’t think adding the whole organs thing was necessary.. :/
not bad could be better but well done
I can’t really say that its bad it just good till[spoiler]the ending where I’ve had periods were I black out and wake up with blood on my hands or holding someone’s organs [/spoiler] it really feal eh good but nothing to go crazy for.