Slow Descent Into a Sadness Driven Insanity
I ran, I ran as fast as my legs could take me. The acrid smell building inside the hallway made it hard to breathe. I was getting more tired and tired as each ounce of air was released from my lungs. For I knew he was getting closer, I knew that he would eventually grasp my arm with tremendous force, smashing it. I needed to get away. I needed to leave. I woke up sweating with tears coming from my eyes, probably from the fear of my dream. I stood up and before I could even put on any close, my mom entered the room to tell me that school was canceled because of a shooting that happened earlier this morning by a teacher. His name was Mr.Frentzel. He was always a little off in my opinion. Apparently he strangled the math teacher to death and then shot the Principle as he was trying to get the man off of her.
I was trying my hardest to keep this thought out of my mind as I got on my computer and looked at my steam messages. I found a message from one of my iFunny subscriptions notifying me of a giveaway that I won! I was so excited because he was a well known iFunny publisher! He told me to go into a trade to get the skin for CSGO. I won a AK47 Case Hardened worth about 24$. I immediately replaced the old, boring, default AK47 with that beauty, and started up a competitive match. I knew people would be jealous and I was right! People wanted to trade with me 24/7! I was almost overloaded with happiness and excitement when the man came into the room. He said that my mom was in a car accident on the way to work. I broke down and started to sob violently. I threw my monitor across the bedroom, shattering the old, 1990s screen. The man told me that his name was Joshua and that everything would be OK.
I walked to school with the sadness lingering behind me. I could not even talk to my girlfriend. She even gave me a dirty look as I just walked by her locker when she tried to talk to me. I moped past all of my friends as I went to first period. I could not even contain myself as I brake down crying in front of all of my first period classmates. The teacher sent me to the counselors office and I told her what I was going to so she sent me home so I would not embarrass myself anymore, an explanation that would not make sense to my dad.
My dad was extremely sympathetic as we would cry on each others shoulders multiple times a week. I missed my mom an unrealistically extreme amount. I could not contain the sadness sometimes. I once broke down in the supermarket while people stared until I eventually got kicked out. I walked into my room, trying to keep my sadness inside of me. I called my girlfriend and apologized for what I did today. She forgave me and I invited her to come over. She said she had something she needed to tell me, something important.
After she left I ran into my room and broke multiple pictures of my mom and my girlfriend. We had just broken up because of religious beliefs. She said she could not date someone that didn’t believe in god. My dad came in and yelled at me to stop this bullshit and to just get over it. He was right, destroying my material things is not going to do anything for myself or anyone else. I went to sleep hoping I would not have another one of those strange dreams.
I woke up with someone saying my name. It was my girlfriend. She told me that my dad had a massive heart attack and was in critical condition. I then pushed her aside and ran, I ran as fast as my legs could take me. I ran all the way to the bridge, which was not far away in anyway. I jumped, with complete reassurance that nothing bad would happen to me again. I then woke up on my bed, my caretaker coming in to give me my medication…
LOL I have an AK Case Hardened Scar – Blue Gem + 1 Gold Atripe. Worth about $30K
… okay…
so i dont usually ever leave negative comments … but i am almost convinced this story was a joke.. and just not real… there is no way this is an actual story…. none of it made sense.. there was a shooting so we couldnt go to school… but then my mom died so i went to school anyway and everyone was there.. and then i apologized for what i did with my girlfriend.. but you dont even know what i did? and apparently i dont believe in god? and what?
what?
im almost a little offended that i read this.
I’m wondering how this story passed reveiws with all the spell errors . I get a feeling that this authors first language isn’t English . He/She has some great ideas but the story falls flat because sadly it’s bounces around more than a Rabbit on LSD.
If the writer who clearly has some talent there could get help maybe with focusing his ideas and style he/she could really put out some great stories.
Just focus a bit more please, get writing help if you need to . You have ability. Keep on working at it and don’t give up!! 8/10 !!
*** DiamondCevert ***
GREAT STORY!!!
GREAT STORY!!!!
Haha shittier than shit
One more thing, it’s a bit strange that you titled it A Slow Descent…” when the story was so short and fast paced.
So much of this just makes no sense. You jump around entirely too much. Sometimes it sounds like you are referencing events that happened a good bit after the tragedies and then you jump back to the present. You make it sound like you went to school on the same day your mother was killed and then your girlfriend breaks up with you. You talk about how you and your dad lean on each other but then when your girlfriend dumps you (seemingly on the same day your mom died) and you start smashing things he tells you to just get over it. Wtf? That doesn’t even make sense. And if your mom just died I don’t think there is such a thing as missing her an extremely unrealistic amount. So many ideas just strung together into a story that really doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
ha! I can’t tell if thish is a joke or not?
Props for the ifunny thing,but this was just a mess.
Not gonna lie but this extremely confused me…
It was OK I guess… There were alot of grammar and spelling errors and the plot was too all over the place. I did get how bad things wouldn’t stop happening to him tho .3.
This is fucking garbage y’all are sugar coating a fucking turd with all this could be better bullshit fucking be real this story isn’t worth wiping my ass with because it’s shittier then shit
the idea was great .. i feel if explored more and arranged better it will be amazing .. this version kind of just hits you and leaves you wondering what just happened and a confused with a little paranoia .. good mind fuck .. definitely great potential
Soooo this story didn’t make sense (not trying to be offensive, just honest) for many reasons:
-You said at the beginning that school was closed because of a shooting and then go on to talk about how the boy walks to school (did not specify whether this was another day, if it was).
-A man named Joshua just randomly walks into this kid’s home and tells him his mother dies?
-It’s not unrealistic to extremely miss your deceased mother
-the girlfriend just randomly ends the relationship over religious beliefs
– why would the girlfriend know that his dad had a heart attack before he did?
-the dream at the beginning was random and didn’t make sense being included in the pasta at all.
-the ak-47 skin for the computer game was irrelevant to the story.
-there were a few spelling errors: close instead of clothes, brake instead of break.
I realize that the character was dreaming all of this but it was just all over the place.
its dreams within dreams. its:
-conflict
-depression
-wake up
– false sense of safety
-repeat
Its pretty good I.M.O. 5/7
Ok, this one just made me lmao all the way through. Wtf did I just read?
Wtf. This story sucked.
I don’t get it. Like…where is the plot of the story
Also like lead up to stuff and he would of felt more about a shooting.
He would of called his freinds and talked to them or something not just be like.
“Oh yeah a shooting thats normal.”