The Unexpected Cheddar

Mary wasn’t one to complain
but on this morning there was gloom and rain.
Her head ached and stomach cramped,
But the harder that she fought the pain
The harder down did pour the rain.

So off to work, dear Mary went
Body sore and temper bent.
Though she should have stayed at home
and let her coworkers be alone.
But dear sweet Mary couldn’t bare
the thoughts deep growing beneath her hair.

She exclaimed at once upon arrival,
“I’m in a bitchy mood, best stay away for your survival.”
So stay away her colleagues tried,
but even louder, dear Mary cried.

“Perhaps you’re hungry”, suggested a friend.
But alas, this couldn’t make the miserable Mary grin.
She groaned and grumbled all through the hours,
all the while abusing her powers.

“Please eat something, you might feel better”
“Try a piece of this Unexpected cheddar.”

And to Mary’s hand, the cheese was extended
And to everyone’s pleasure a smile was how it ended.
But not in the manner than you’ve likely pondered,
because upon digestion Mary’s soul soon wandered.

Her head and hands became cold and sweaty.
Death’s boney hand reached out at the ready.
It did not take long before Mary realized
from where it was this cheese earned it’s name.

Twas not the taste that earned it’s title,
nor the smell or texture, but what laid idle.
Deep within this cheddar’s loins,
was poison bought by grim death’s coins.

Mary choked and gasped and wailed,
but to her side no helping soul sailed.
She hurled over, winced and fell to the ground,
and still around her was no sound,
of a single fuck being given out,
for all were tired of her flapping snout.

Soon she lay lifeless and still,
and with feelings of relief the room did fill.
So learn this lesson here and now,
keep your bithcy comments to yourself, no matter how.
Because if you don’t some day you may find,
a present waiting, with just you in mind.

Someone will give you the unexpected cheddar,
shortly after you may find yourself feeling deader.
Never knowing that all the while,
your “friends” surrounding will simply watch and smile.

And that’s how it ends.