Remember Euclydia
Growing up, Gravity Falls was truly something special. Released back in 2012 and concluding after two seasons on February 15, 2016, the Disney Channel series revolved around Dipper and Mabel Pines, a set of fraternal twins, who were sent to spend their summer vacation in the fictional town of Gravity Falls, Oregon, with their great uncle, or rather “Grunkle” Stanley Pines. Together, they work at Grunkle Stan’s tourist trap “The Mystery Shack” alongside Soos Ramirez and Wendy Corduroy. It is there that Dipper would discover a journal cataloging all the mysterious anomalies that plague the town.
Of course, the show was best remembered because of its use of cryptograms such as the Caesar cipher among other varieties of encrypted puzzles. In fact, shortly after the series finale was aired, a real-life Cipher hunt was orchestrated by series creator Alex Hirsch himself which spanned countries beginning in Saint Petersburg, Russia, and, appropriately ending in Reedsport, Oregon. And it is there, somewhere in the woods that the victors who decoded the mystery were met with a statue of an… old friend.
Fans of the show are more than familiar with the sinister Dream Demon Bill Cipher, but for those who slept on the show, Bill Cipher was the main antagonist of the series, a triangular fiend from the second dimension who was originally meant to be a one-off character before he was promoted. To keep the spoilers to a minimum, Bill wanted to merge his decaying dimension, the Nightmare Realm, with the Earth succeeding at his goal in “Dipper and Mabel vs. The Future” when he deceived a despondent Mabel. He rained weirdness on the entirety of Gravity Falls in an apocalyptic event dubbed Weirdmageddon driving people to the brink of insanity with his Bubbles of Pure Madness and transforming others into stone statues and creating a Throne of Frozen Human Agony from them.
However, despite his near victory, Bill is predictably defeated, leaving his physical form behind to get an equation which prevented him from spreading his weirdness to the rest of the world. While the show ended on a great note with the day saved, it left a plethora of questions, the most damning one being on the demonic triangle himself. Was Bill truly dead, or could there be a chance he could return to wreak havoc on the Pines family?
This question lingered for years and was only further muddled with the subsequent releases of books to expand the universe of Gravity Falls. The most alarming one was written from the perspective of the Dream Demon himself, which begged the question: if Bill was dead, how could he be writing the book? Was he in some weird afterlife, preferably Hell for all the atrocities he committed throughout the trillions of years he was alive? Or was he hiding in the deepest regions of Grunkle Stan’s mind? The Book of Bill promised to reveal Bill’s origins and ultimately clear up where he had been for all those years since the show finished production.
Naturally, the book is classic Bill with its morbid, dark humor, and, to its credit, it did reveal Bill’s backstory… or at least bits of it that put together. Even in the original cartoon it was common knowledge that Bill was a native of the second dimension where, as he put it, was a realm containing nothing but flat dreams, flat minds, and a flat world. It was then that Bill “liberated” his dimension, and he did such an exceedingly excellent job at it that… the dimension no longer exists. Everyone was dead, even his parents.
While the book could be summed up as being just nonsense that Bill wrote to ensnare a hapless victim to possess and start Weirdmageddon anew, what made this an even more interesting turning point is the creation of a tie-in website “thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com.” The site could be best described as being additional pages of The Book of Bill that were left on the drawing board detailing more lore to the series and giving some funny responses. Just try typing in “Ted Cruz” and you would be introduced to a popup that informs you that you violated standards and practices and therefore you must have your mouth washed out. Or if you typed in “Skibidi” you are met with the lovely message that your life privileges are revoked. Then there were the… not-so-funny responses like what happens if you type in “Stanley” one-too-many times.
After hearing about the website, I decided to visit it. I was met with several interesting visuals like a human skull with a gold tooth; an eye in a jar; a copy of The Book of Bill with a dagger stabbed into it. Best of all, the low beat of the show’s theme song complimented the mysterious aura that took me back to when I first watched the cartoon. I soaked in the atmosphere for a few more seconds before I remembered the reason I logged onto the website.
I started off with the codes I already was familiar with ranging from the names of the main characters and was met with amusing results. I then thought of ones off the top of my head to see if they also worked. If you were to type Season 1 into the computer, you’d get “Anti-Gravity Falls” for one, or Season 1 if you plugged in Season 2. As I further experimented with the outcomes, my mind directed me towards Cipher again. However, I had already used “Bill,” “triangle,” and “Bill Cipher” so I needed to think of something else… maybe on some of his classifications. Given the terminology that he was a Dream Demon, the most sense was to type “dream.”
So… I did. I wrote out “dream” and pressed enter. Red flashed from the computer denoting that the word was not one of the codes. I was disappointed, but I remembered how there were tricks to some of the words, so I pressed the enter key again. But like before, no slice. However, I was not one to just give up after the first two goes. I pressed enter again and again in rapid succession only for the same blaring to ring out.
It was the very definition of insanity I admit, but if it provided me with answers to Bill’s nature, I would have felt obligated. Eventually, the pyramid placeholder on the computer glitched as a new message popped up:
PA’Z UVA TF MHBSA PA’Z UVA TF MHBSA PA’Z UVA TF MHBSA TF LFL… P JHU ZAPSS ZLL AOL IBYUPUN IVKPLZ… PA OBYAZ PA OBYAZ… WSLHZL ZVTLVUL AHRL HDHF AOL WHPU!!!
I could practically hear Bill railing against me the further I typed the word into the password interface. The screen glitched and flashed in vibrant colors undoubtedly representing a color code. Clearly whatever was going on indicated that whatever was happening was working to my favor. It must have taken me thirty times, but the website appeared to relent. Another message fizzled up asking me if I really wanted to know the deep dark secret this time offering me a yes or no option. I chose the former, and after it stalled for a few seconds, it sent me a link to a video with the simple title of “Remember Euclydia.”
From my research on the wiki for Gravity Falls, I came to the realization that Euclydia was the name of Bill’s realm and that I would be sitting front and center and witness the destruction of the world. True to what he had alluded to, Eucyldia existed on a flat plane, as if it were just a piece of paper. In this dimension, there were no stars or cosmic bodies to speak of, with all the inhabitants of that realm bumping into each other at random and talk of any other dimensions was strictly forbidden. Everyone had two-dimensional forms befitting their environment, but I could also tell that the realm did have a sense of leadership.
Two triangles, one red, the other blue, directed the citizens with authoritative stride. Among the gathered assemblies were rhombuses and ellipses. Squares and diamonds. All the shapes you were taught in preschool were in attendance as they waited for some grand experience. What I found the most peculiar about the two triangles, however, were their two sets of eyes. If they were supposed to be Bill’s parents, then that only further indicated that Bill was born with a mutation. Just as I came to that conclusion, more cryptograms, this time representing the Caesar cipher, filled the screen.
Decoding it, the symbols formed a sentence: “In aspiration of making his people see all, the killer’s mental state took a great fall.”
My eyes were directed to a yellow triangle with a single peeper rise above the others. It floated over to the farthest end of its reality when I heard the rumblings of a song. I carefully pressed the plushy cushions of my headphones to better hear what tune it was playing. It possessed a soft, motherly tone making me speculate it was Bill’s mother Scalene. I would be lying if I did not say that the lullaby lulled me into a false sense of security.
“Rock-A-Bye Billy Please don’t you cry It’s not your fault you have that strange eye Stay safe with Mommy you’ll never fall And we’ll always love you sharp angles and all.”
The song’s instrumentals continued to play in the background as more Cipher cryptograms glimmered. I was admittedly not too adept at decoding the cryptograms from the show, so I wrote them down and opened another tab to a website that could decode what the hidden message said. I jotted down the letters that accompanied each symbol and returned to the video. From what I could gather, it went like this.
FOR TRILLIONS OF YEARS, I WAS AFFLICTED. THEY CALLED ME CRAZY FOR SAYING THAT I SAW BILLIONS OF TRILLIONS OF UNIVERSES ALL EONS AHEAD FROM THIS FLAT HELL OF AN EXISTENCE. EVEN MY OWN MISERABLE PARENTS TRIED STUNTING MY TALENTS WITH THAT HICK OF AN EYE DOCTOR. MY EYE THROBS EVERY TIME I LOOK INTO OTHER WORLDS. I CAN’T SUPPRESS MY GIFT ANY LONGER.
I watched the yellow triangle representing Bill further push through the shapes as they went sideways and down, but never up. It pushed against the limitations of its world and stretched its hands until the palms clanged on a hollow surface. A ripple of waves wobbled on the invisible forcefield like gelatin. However, the triangle was far from done.
The vocals of the audio returned a second time, but I sensed there was something amiss about. The shape intensified its blow at the same time the song grew more pronounced. Again and again, the barrier jiggled as it became stable. The video zoomed in on the triangle’s singular eye with the slit of its pupil expanding. Galaxies sparkled being so close, yet still so far.
I WILL SHOW EVERYONE THE STARS.
A deafening smash rang through my headphones the moment Bill broke through his reality. The fabrics of reality shattered like shards of glass exposing the once concealed dimension to third dimensional space. Scalene’s lullaby reached its crescendo before falling silent.
LOOK, EVERYONE! I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! MOM, DAD, I –
The text stopped midsentence when the video began to buffer despite playing normally. I decided to refresh the video, and it functioned properly until, yet again, it buffered on the scene. Curious, I did the same trick a few more times getting the same result, but after the sixth time, the video resumed playing a corrupted version of Scalene’s lullaby.
“Rock-A-Bye Billy Please don’t you cry… It’s not your fault you have that strange eye Stay safe with Mommy, you’ll never fall And we’ll always love you, sharp angles and ”AAALLLLLLLLLLLLL”-”
The scene slammed to show Bill’s pupil shrink as… something… descended through the crack in his reality but since the camera focused in on his face, all I heard was the sound of roaring and gnashing mandibles of a large creature. My only theory was that it was some anomaly that breached the Nightmare Realm and was now wreaking chaos on Euclydia. The once peaceful lullaby that Bill’s mother sang to him was replaced with a melody of horrified screams and the natives getting gorily ripped to shreds by the monster.
NO… NO… NO THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! OH GODS… HOW COULD THIS GO SO WRONG!!!?
Blood was everywhere as the monster ruthlessly attacked each inhabitant with no one being spared from its rage. Because of the primitive design flaw of Euclydia, it made it all the easier for their slaughter to happen en masse. Blue flames rained down from the monstrosity’s maw and engulfed buildings incinerating them to their last atom. Any that fought against the intruder did so, saving the other two-dimensional beings a few seconds at best, but their weapons were of no use. Rather, it made the monster more infuriated at their insolence.
Bill hovered over the ruined husk of his world his confidence being replaced with an expression of dread. His eye throbbed again this time out of bewilderment as he floated there petrified. Crimson blood splattered across his face knocking him slightly out of his catatonic state. His stomach churned with his eye burning hot with the urge to vomit (the show had confirmed that his eye doubled as his mouth). He clutched his chest with his fist as his voice staggered in disbelief. He struggled to speak, but the scent of seared flesh filled his nostrils. He could only wheeze a dry “It… it wasn’t me.”
He continued to speak into the void when the video transitioned slain Euclideans dragged their broken bodies along and linked their limbs together in huge swarms. They directed their collective gaze towards Bill… I could practically feel the venom in their words.
Why did you do it? Why did you do it?
Bill gripped the sides of his head in desperation of drowning the accusations out and continued doing so even when his fingernails clawed into him. The video began playing at a fast pace with Bill shaking fervently. The harsh critique drilled tiny holes in his body with his blood and tears coming together in a mixture. Cipher slowly lowered his hands.
Tears streaked down his eye as Bill laughed hysterically, his mental state snapping and burning away alongside the rest of his world and continued growing more erratic and pained the more Bill allowed himself to slip away. The blue flames licked his body symbolizing the punishment that he would receive for all his crimes. His mother’s lullaby reached its final note before the video abruptly ended.
The next day, I booted up my computer and decided to visit thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com to see if I could get that outcome again. I typed in “dream” as I did yesterday only to be met by the blare of the monitor as the code was rejected. No matter how many times I tried that password, I was never able to activate the link for the video. The rest of the website worked as normal.